The first fear I encountered in my self-analysis journey was the fear of success.
It seems paradoxical, contradicting common logic. Why on earth would a mentally sound person be afraid of achieving success?
Yet, the fear of success (also known as fear of achievement or nikephobia) is more common than one might think. And looking back, it’s almost incredible to remember how this fear constrained me for nearly two decades across various areas of my life.
It usually manifested sadistically through self-sabotage.
Every time I was on the brink of surpassing my usual level of success, I would inevitably face an unexpected situation. Or, I made a stupid mistake that demolished everything and forced me to start from scratch.
Even during my teenage years, in academics and sports, I was always the one with immense talent and potential, always coming close, yet always missing something. In every endeavor, I achieved great results; starting strongly, effortlessly progressing, yet always stopping just shy of complete success.
The truth is, success is scary. I know that now.
Why is success scary?
Success is scary to yourself and others because it radically changes you, takes you away from what you have been until that moment, and how others see you and want to see you.
With success, you are the center of attention, like a 3-year-old receiving all the attention, able to desire and obtain everything. And that’s frightening. It’s scary to think of yourself as different, to expose yourself, not only to the (few) admirations but also and above all to the (many) envies.
Success means complete “Freedom,” and this can be daunting to some. Not directly in my case, as I have always aspired to achieve success, but perhaps to those who would prefer that I remain the same.
Unfortunately, I grew up in a cultural and educational context where success was always hindered. Unlike the American educational context, for example, where success is the ultimate aspiration, within everyone’s reach, and is continuously supported and stimulated.
How to achieve success?
In Italy, all the institutions contributing to a person’s formation hinder success in some way. From the State that prefers to have public employees without freedom of thought rather than forward-thinking entrepreneurs, to the School that doesn’t teach ambition, that doesn’t nurture the dreams of a child or teenager. Up to the Parents, who want their children to always be the same and always stay close to home.
If you succeed, you become free, and this is frightening. (After all, “wishful thinking” only exists in the King’s garden, they tell you… right??)Subconsciously, you perceive the risks associated with success: the risk of disappointing loved ones, the risk of changing your status, or the risk of betraying your foundational principles.
It becomes easier, then, to self-sabotage.
How did I solve the problem? As Igor Sibaldi says, by asking questions. And here are some of mine:
- Are you ready to expose yourself?
- Are you ready to be the center of attention?
- Are you ready to be envied and criticized?
- Are you ready to desire everything you want?
- Are you ready to distance yourself from those who want you to stay the same?
- Are you ready to overcome the obstacles of those who will put sticks in your wheels?
- Are you ready, if necessary, to change status?
- Are you ready to change your thinking?
- Are you ready to create the life you (and only you) want?
When I answered a resounding and emotional “Yes” to all these questions, my personal journey towards success began!
